i choose…32

By every stretch of the imagination, I live a blessed and lovely life.  So why is it, then, that a week before my 32nd birthday, I am bummed out and blue?

There it goes again – fear running amok over my pretty little life.  With an upsurge of dreams coming true, fruits of hard work beginning to show, and a general feeling of finally heading in the right direction, I found myself hit with a shot of fear, direct between the eyes.

All of the “what if’s,” “not good enough’s,” and the crowd favorite, “Why are you 32 and still single?” have been dancing through my mind like little wicked little elves mocking my days.

Although at times it’s felt like playing the arcade favorite Whack-a-Mole, whacking a fearful thought down only to have it pop right back up, I am happy to report that as of this morning, love has proved victorious.

What’s more, instead of there being anything wrong with the unrest of the last few days, I see the lessons provided.  I see in each challenge, a new opportunity to attune to love – whether through self-forgiveness or being receptive to love and support.  All good things!

And so, the journey of 32 begins with an open heart.  The marine layer has lifted.  It took a little cleansing out in the last days of 31, and so be it.

There are many places in our hearts that are, because of past hurts, attuned to fear.  Most of them we’re not even aware of.  Opportunities to experience that fear and those dark places where it lives are gifts because in the awareness of our pain, doubt, judgement, or any other manifestation of un-love, we are simply being offered an opportunity for a miracle.  We are being offered an opportunity to bring light to dark and experience the peace and love that lies in the dawning of a new day.

Every shift from fear to love is a miracle, and to that, I dedicate year 32!  I cannot wait to continue the journey with you.

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And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what [is] that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. – Romans 12:2