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Between Worlds: On Waiting to Become a Mother to Two

The nearly-full November moon rises from behind the mountains on Tahoe’s east shore.  I’ve watched the skies over the past months, as each wax and wane marked an opening, a welcoming, a greater preparedness for the coming of our son. I lay on my left side, one pillow tucked under my head, another between my…

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Where is the Love?: On Jesus, Politics and Church

In 2011, I walked into a church with bright lights and a large stage, inspiring messages, and a community full of well-dressed 20 and 30-somethings, a seeming heaven-sent rebuttal to the San Diego bar and club lifestyle that I had tired of. The crowd stood during worship, young people with arms outstretched to the sky…

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Mommy Go Bye-Bye: A Moment Balancing Work, Self Care & Motherhood

An ice cube melts into the bowl of oatmeal I am stirring with my left hand while I scoop Lily up in my right arm. “Okay, sweetie, time for breakfast,” I tell her as I sprinkle a few strawberries atop the bowl of now tepid oatmeal and walk with her, the bowl, a spoon and…

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October Update!

Since October of last year, I have lived in two different towns in Southern Baja and two here in the US with my husband, now two-year-old-daughter, trusty Labrador and baby-on-the-way (yes, baby boy Russell is coming this holiday season!).  We have also traversed the nation – from the tip of Baja to Vancouver Island, throughout…

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Space for Grace on my 39th Birthday

My daughter crawls into my arms, big brown eyes gazing down into mine that are adjusting to the daylight shining through the crack in our bedroom window shades. “Good morning, mommy,” she chirps in her soft, sweet almost two-year-old voice.  I break a smile and we banter a bit. She continues, “Happy birthday, mommy.” My…

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Blessed is this Life: Thoughts on the Eve of 39

Tomorrow I turn 39, and I approach this birthday with a full heart. Life looks different than it once did. Mostly, I have finally come home to myself. Being in my skin is comfortable, relaxing even. And all that I do – the many roles I fill as wife, mother, coach, friend, and more –…

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Hands in the Dirt

My breath tastes of compost and dust as I scoop a handful of damp earth with my right hand and gently place the roots of an arugula start into its new home with my left. I pat soil back around the hopeful green sprout and wish it ease and endurance as it settles in. I…

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On Hiroshima & Choosing Peace

Today, August 6th, 2018, is the 73rd anniversary of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima by the United States. The white concrete ceiling supported by horizontally-running exposed redwood beams soars at least two stories above the heads of about 150 seated attendees at Sunday’s gathering at the Green Gulch Zen Center in Mill Valley. Something about…

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I Choose Sobriety | 1 Year

“Mama! Ma—-maaaaa!!” Lily exclaims as she crawls over to me in the dark, steadying her small, soft hands on my cheeks and nose. Before I try to open my eyes, the thought, “It’s too early for this,” runs through my mind. I take a deep breath and look over at my daughter’s bright eyes that…

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Headwinds

A gray mist envelops us in a damp hug that leaves its cold sweat on exposed skin.  The condensation is warmer than the biting winds that sweep through the canyon with seeming mockery as they push directly at us from ahead. We are three-quarters of the way into our three-week private rafting trip through the Grand…

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