“The truth will set you free, but it will probably piss you off before it does.”
How many times have you hid what you really desired because you felt fear in facing the real truth? I have many times.
Starting years ago in my youth, I remember beginning to disassociate and hide from my truths in effort to please those around me. Whether it was showing my weaknesses, confusion, or insecurities or voicing my true desires from what sport I wanted to play to where I wanted to go to college to the respect with which I wanted to be treated, I thought that the guidance, actions, and opinions of others had more merit than that small voice of truth within me.
I didn’t have the confidence or awareness to realize that the little voice inside of me had any value. How could I know what was best for me? The world seemed to tell me loud and clear, and the messages I saw and heard were often different from what felt true inside. From the images I saw in the media to the examples I saw around me in parents, teachers, coaches, and peers, the outer world seemed far more brilliant than the voice of the girl within.
As my path has taken me on a wild ride to reconnect with myself, I’ve begun to discover the value and power of the wise voice of my own truth.
I’ve followed truth into the dark alleys of self-hatred, pain, and healing, and she continues to lead me into the shadows and back out into more glorious light than I had previously known. Only in entering the darkness of the unknown, have I been able to rekindle the true light inside.
This internal guidance has led me to make decisions that I know are in my best interest, though many times, they’ve required me to let go of the life I always thought I’d have. Letting go of relationships, jobs, an athletic career…gave forth to letting go of the need to be perfect, to be right, and to be nice, smiley, and liked all the time. Each of these moments of letting go were preceded by deep-rooted discomfort, often a great deal of pain, and many, many moments of being left with a broken heart.
So they say, the heart is never broken closed. It can only be broken open.
Through a journey that’s lead me through dark, dangerous forests only to summit bright, shining mountain tops, I’ve gotten to know the voice of my truth again, and I continue to learn to honor and reconnect with her on a more intimate level everyday.
Today, I sat with one of the most amazing friends I have yet been blessed with in this life. We sat at a crossroads, knowing that it was time to let go of the relationship we had built in the way we had known it. We had some crossed wires in our connections – some places where we had let fear come in and run the show. Our connection was being called to a greater place of truth.
I knew that the only thing I could do was to let go. Afraid of what that would look like – including the possibility that I could lose him forever like I have many others on the path – I felt only pain for while. My heart ached, and yet, all I could hear was, “Let go.”
As we shared our truths, I was met with anger and then pain. The truth that our connection had shifted did “piss me off” at first. Tears followed. And more heartache. And then breath. And space. And then I, we, began to be set free.
The truth is that I have no idea where this journey will take me next. I am constantly amazed with its unfolding.
For now, I know that my friend and I have more freedom than we have been experiencing between us over the past months. And I choose love over fear again and again. What we create in our freedom is the only way of truth, and it is the only gateway to each of our happiness.
I hope this story supports you in going to the dark places of truth with as much confidence and strength as you approach the light, happy ones with. And I gratefully welcome the reminder to do the same.
From my heart in truth to yours,