Have you ever felt like no one could possibly understand what you are going through?
On the flip side, how many times has someone come to you with a problem or issue, and your first instinct was to try to help fix it, release the discomfort, or judge?
This week, I learned an important LESSON in LOVE.
One of love’s most powerful expressions is a person just being with another through a heart that says: I can be here in this scary place with you. I feel you. You are not alone.
I noticed that I have an unconscious natural instinct to want to shift into a loving, light place and to help others do the same. I want to CHOOSE LOVE, and at the same time, it is important not to gloss over the lesson each FEAR tries to offer us.
We must confront and go through fear – no walking around to the side door! When we try to go around fear or ignore it, it just comes back again…and again…again. Just think of all the ways we try to avoid our fear: going numb, addiction, creating drama, media consumption, and an infinite number of other unconscious habits we’ve manifested to avoid discomfort and pain.
When we instead courageously choose to say, “I can do it. You don’t scare me,” – Poof! – fear begins to dissolve. By staring it in the eye, we break through our fear as if it were a spell.
These days, I notice that fear in my life is almost like an flashing neon arrow saying, “Come here!” And so I go. Each time, I do break through (eventually!), and each time, it gets a little easier.
I’m grateful to have learned this important lesson in giving others space and love to break through their fears. In the acceptance of others just as they are, we also learn to accept ourselves. Whether inside or out, that which we cannot be with will not let us be. We all have to face our stuff sooner or later, so the more we can learn to allow for discomfort – mine, yours or ours – the more real – and loving – we can all start to be!
I share this lesson with you in hopes that we simply begin observe how and if we grant others their experience or try to jump into their space to fix or judge.
Here’s to choosing to stay in our own space and going not around but through!
Art by Cami, high school junior; Entry also inspired in part by Cami – Thank you!
“Do not try to fix me or make me better; just be with me where I am. That, I’ve learned, is love.” – Stephanie J. Armstrong