Celebrating Single Life

Do you daydream about the grass being greener?  At times, I do.  One trigger is the common question, “Why aren’t you married?”  So glad you asked.

Let’s cut to the chase.  Would I like to be married now?  Sure, my perfectly designed plan included meeting prince charming years ago and our happily-ever-after with two brilliant kids by now.  Fortunately, life doesn’t always adhere to my plans.

At 32, life is in ways better than I could have ever imagined, and yet that “I wish I had someone to talk to about this/cuddle/do life with right now” conversation does seep in from time to time.

So yes, I would like to be passionately partnered, and since I’m not, I thought to take a moment to appreciate just how awesome single life is.  Because it is.  While an old couple holding hands or a smiling baby can stir thoughts of greener grass, I am happy and very grateful to be exactly where I am.

Why do I celebrate single life?

1. I know who I am (at least somewhat):  I’ve taken the time to learn about who I am and consider who I was created to be rather than just being who everyone wants me to be.  I have learned what makes me tick, what kind of people I truly enjoy being around, and what kind of work lights me up inside.  I’ve experienced heartache, healing, and great joy, and this experience of the fullness of life has given me a great deal of compassion.

2.  Deep friendships with great girlfriends: Especially over the past few years, I have enjoyed the blessing of deep and true friendship.  Cultivating relationship with my girlfriends has been among my highest priorities, and I’ve been very grateful for a time to forge solid and authentic friendships with such inspiring women.  Highlights of my weeks include meeting friends for early morning walks, gym dates, and dinners.  What a blessing to do so with such amazing ladies!

3.  Ironing out the kinks: I appreciate the learning moments and incredible growth that I’ve endured so that I will be able to be the partner I want to be rather than the self-centered person I was.  (I never thought of myself as self-centered; in fact, I thought I was generous.  But truth be told, ego was running the show uncontested.)  I know it must shock you, but I had a few kinks to iron out, and I’m glad to have had the opportunity to do so.

4.  Don’t settle: Could I be married?  Probably – if I was willing to settle.  The 80% – hey, 90% even – right has come along, but I’ve listened to that little voice telling me not to settle.  I believe it’s guiding me to the perfectly-designed partner for me…wherever he is, whenever he might come.  Learning to not settle in business and life has been a valuable lesson.  It’s been risky and has required courage at times, but it’s proved to always be worth it in the end.

5.   Doing what I want when I want…for the most part: I appreciate being able to honor my life’s natural flow for a while.  I will enjoy it while I can!  Do I want to go to yoga?  I can!  Walk Torrey?  That too!  Work until midnight?  Yup.  I naturally tend to put other people’s needs before mine, so the time alone allows me to find the beat of my own drum and march to it!  Being able to follow my heart has helped me ground into my values in a way that I hadn’t before – to create a life by design rather than default.

So, as Alison Armstrong of PAX mentions, I will keep “sorting” until I find that one my heart has been looking for.  (She teaches that we should, “Sort and sort fast!”)  In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy how great single life really is.

Remember, the grass is never greener on the other side.  It may just look that way.  Appreciate where you are when you’re there because chances are, it will be your only shot to live that season of life to the fullest.  I know I am.

Do you love being exactly where you are right now?  Share your experience below!


Little choices + time =  wholehearted change.

Photo Credit: http://pinterest.com/pin/134545107587832492/

7 Comments

  1. Stephanie on March 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Ladies – check out this article I just ran across. Seemed a nice follow up to this blog. If you’re curious – What A Man Wants:

    http://goodwomenproject.com/from-the-men/what-a-man-wants-from-a-woman

    I like this excerpt:

    “What does a man really want?

    He wants a beautiful woman, but not the beautiful woman you might think.

    If you as a woman wish to see beauty then go and take off the makeup. Look in the mirror. This is the face of beauty, but you must learn to see it in yourself. See yourself without the blinders of this world’s definition. See yourself as God intended you to be. Act as though you are as beautiful as anyone else around you. The man who recognizes that beauty in you is the one who knows what he wants and will strive to meet your needs with what he has to offer you. (There is a caveat to this whole argument: many men in today’s society are completely blind to true beauty, but you’re better off ignoring them. That man will only cause you pain.)

    Wait.

    As hard as it is, please be patient with us.

    You will find each other when you are supposed to.

    Because in the end, what a man wants isn’t nearly as important as who you are meant to be.”

  2. Weston Hudson on March 28, 2012 at 12:19 am

    “Spiritual Partnership … The new female and the new male are partners on a journey of spiritual growth. They want to make the journey. Their love and trust keep them together. Their intuition guides them. They consult with each other. They are friends. They laugh a lot. They are equals. That is what a spiritual partnership is: a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.” ― Gary Zukav, Soul Stories

    Just to play the other side of the grass . . .

    After spending four years since separating from my ex, I’ve spent this time alone and somewhat closed. Yes, I have dated but since the split I haven’t given my heart. At the moment of the break with my ex (who at that point was my deepest love) I had to face the fact that I was at war with myself. The war was simple: It was me not allowing total love and fun into my life. I was being resistant, holding a grudge, and feeling unworthy of true bliss. So I spent the next four years diving into the depths of myself to commune and dialogue with the long forgotten and disowned parts of myself. It was something that I had to do alone. Something that required being closed and living in solitude and privacy. Ultimately this led me to have a conversation with the wounded inner child that I left standing abandoned when I was 8. I repeat: “THAT I” left standing abandoned. For years I had convinced myself that it was so many others that had left him but my dedication to the path of honesty, maturity and responsibility led me to the truth and I had to look at him directly, own what I had done, and then repair our trust. Which was repairing the trust in myself and knowing that from this point forward I will uphold my dedication to love and light. I faced him and acknowledged him and his wounds and he was able to regain his trust and faith in me and give me the stamp of approval on the blueprint of my future. Together we have come to terms and agree that I will hold on to the vision of the most high that I’ve been carrying with me since I was that young child. To love. To give. To trust. So with his blessing and approval I now move out of solitude and look forward to the richness of a deep connection with a woman and the level of intimacy it takes to create a spiritual partnership as well as birth beautiful loving children of our own. I faced my aloneness so that I can truly appreciate a unity with someone else. I have enjoyed being alone and all that comes with it (which is just about everything you covered in your post). But now I’m ready to dive into the lush greenness of the other side and experience a depth that I have never experienced. I can’t wait to join with my lover, my teammate and celebrate and create with her. A companion to seek out the beauty of life and just revel in the amazement and excitement that we bring each other. I look forward to creating a life together filled with wonder, laughter, and expansion . . .

    Alone or together . . . i choose love.

    Thanks for the post 🙂 You always present topics that spark so much dialogue within me!

    Weston

    • Stephanie on December 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you for your honest response, Weston – what a beautiful recounting and experience. I can relate! All best to you in the revealing of your soul-partnership.

  3. Fall Forward on March 29, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    In the end we are wrong about the things we thought best for us, and right about the rest. -author unknown

    Your post is wonderfully honest. And if we hope to grow, surely it begins there. I wonder, though, if we confuse honesty with truth. How often have we honestly believed something? How often were we right?

    I share your optimism of love. In fact, I honestly believe you are right…

    • Stephanie on April 2, 2012 at 2:13 pm

      🙂 No right/wrong – it’s our choice! Thank you for sharing your heart here.

  4. Robert on December 22, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    “Don’t settle: Could I be married?”

    This is the number one reason that women are going to wind up lonely and alone destined to be spinsters.

    Look you have a finite time as a woman to snag a high value man. You have to settle a little bit or maybe a whole lot. In the olden days, women were highly pressured to marry before 23 because the culture was sane. After a certain age, a woman’s value plummets. Her stock is never higher than 21.

    If by 24 your alpha male hasn’t come then it’s time to lose some of the requirements. Beauty doesn’t last forever. Men with high value are highly sough after and have tons of options. They are maybe at the top 20 percent. What do you have at 32 that beats out the countless number of women that are 23 partically stepping over each other for the same small pool of alpha males? Probably nothing.

    In the sociological world, the terms for women’s mate preferences is hypergamy. Meaning they will only date up in social class and status. So the men that you find attractive, all the other women find attractive at all. The only mitigating circumstance in your own case is that you are legitmately attractive which will buy you some years over 30. However even that has it’s limits. You probably have a 400 point checklist. Don’t you understand that alphas have so many options these days to feminism unleashing female sexuality, that you aren’t a speical snowflake?

    Point 4 should be settle on the right qualities. Instead of practicing the natural tendency to disqualify men, instead find qualties that are attractive.

    This not settling non-sense has to stop.

    • Stephanie on December 23, 2012 at 6:06 pm

      Thank you for your honest comment, Robert.

      I agree completely with your statement that #4 could be “settle on the right qualities.” I do have a list of what would be “enough” and it is not 400 qualities long as you mention. Mostly, I now consider who I can be my best self with and who I can encourage and support in being his.

      To clarify, I am glad I didn’t settle on some qualities that are very important to me in past relationships.

      Regarding your thoughts about the alpha male and 24 being “over the hill” for females, I simply don’t agree. If people look only for who is the best physical mate, fine…and I believe people really desire FAR more than that. What I have the a 23 year old doesn’t? 10 years of deep self-reflection, spiritual growth, and study on partnership, love, and relationships. That’s not to say that there are not soulfully advanced 23 year olds – there are! And, there are spiritually void 33 year olds.

      I believe that love is a commitment to spiritual growth. When the chemistry wears off, something much deeper must take over.

      So for those people who find their partners early, great. And those who soul-search first, great, too.

      The age we realize that we are enough and find that partner who is enough of what we need (which I believe is fertile ground for healthy partnership) can vary greatly.

      To each finding his/her own…and when we do, to choosing love.

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