I Choose Sobriety | 1 Year

Jul 5, 2018

“Mama! Ma—-maaaaa!!” Lily exclaims as she crawls over to me in the dark, steadying her small, soft hands on my cheeks and nose. Before I try to open my eyes, the thought, “It’s too early for this,” runs through my mind. I take a deep breath and look over at my daughter’s bright eyes that…

Read More

Headwinds

Jun 18, 2018

A gray mist envelops us in a damp hug that leaves its cold sweat on exposed skin.  The condensation is warmer than the biting winds that sweep through the canyon with seeming mockery as they push directly at us from ahead. We are three-quarters of the way into our three-week private rafting trip through the Grand…

Read More

WOW: When the Process is Enough

Jun 3, 2018

“Activation and cultivation of the imagination is a practice.  Wildness is its breeding ground — wildness of place, wildness of heart and mind.” – Albert Flynn De Silver, Writing as a Path to Awakening “Why am I writing?  I mean, what’s the point?” I say to my coach as serpent fingers of yearning try to…

Read More

When Things Fall Apart

May 31, 2018

Day 1. On the first leg of my travel from Cabo to Nashville, I write this blog on the ways leaving my daughter for the first time since her birth is touching my heart. After boarding the second leg in Houston, we deplane before takeoff due to a mechanical issue. The gate attendant says there…

Read More

She’s Not a Baby Anymore

May 24, 2018

“I would like to bring Lily to the airport when you drop me off.  That way, if she’s wondering where I am, she can remember that I went on an airplane (she knows them well by now after all of our travel together),” I told Dave a couple of days ago. But in this morning’s…

Read More

On Living Near Our Food Sources

May 17, 2018

On my regular route home to our beachfront respite for the season, I turn left off the main highway onto the 5km dirt road that winds through farmland, passed our favorite farm-to-table restaurant and the stable where we take our daughter to feed apples to horses. Landing in El Pescadero somewhat by chance, we felt…

Read More

WOW: 4 Matrilineal Generations

May 15, 2018

My grandmother is beckoning a smile from my daughter by tapping her arm and meowing while holding her lifelike orange toy tabby cat. My mom says something to her in Japanese, and my grandmother momentarily breaks her focus on Lily to respond in a curt tone.  Her facial expression shifts again as she turns back…

Read More

Between Two Mother’s Days

May 11, 2018

My 20-month old toddler and I are flying from Mexico to San Francisco today – a flight we’ve done together at least a handful of times. I decide to leave my Ergo at home for the first time since I started traveling with Lily at 6-weeks-old, and my heart flutters as she walks the whole…

Read More

WOW: Seashells with Lily

May 9, 2018

“Mama, more shells,” says Lily as she beckons to me from under the shade of her hiking backpack perched on Dave’s shoulders as we walk down a seemingly endless stretch of white sand beach. Dave throws a log back into the perfectly warm 76 degree aquamarine sea, and our dog Bandon sprints into the beach…

Read More

Becoming Love

May 6, 2018

“He said we would identify ourselves simply by how we loved people. It’s tempting to think there’s more to it, but there’s not. Love isn’t something we fall into; love is someone we become.” – Bob Goff, Everybody Always I am sitting six rows from the stage. The tears that have started to run from…

Read More